| don't make me look back |
[
Monday,28th December 2009 @ 0117hrs
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| [ |
mood |
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 determined |
] |
I want to delete everything. A compulsive, beastial urge to destroy, to bring everything down to ground zero. If only we could hit the 'backspace' button of life that easily.
I want to delete you.
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| pressure of privilege |
[
Thursday,24th December 2009 @ 1341hrs
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
Once bitten, twice unshy.
If that is your comeback, then you've succeeded. Congrats, R.
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| seclude |
[
Saturday,12th December 2009 @ 2338hrs
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cynical |
] |
On nights like these I just want to burrow myself as deep as I possibly can in my pillow, shut my eyes, and wish that time would just stand still. But time would fly and I'd have no reason but to deal with it, deal with all these... things. I want to spend my days in my room, with the breeze blowing in, a glass of milk, or apple juice, a book propped in between my knees, my mind cleared of any single inkling of trouble, my favourite bands playing in the background.
But no, no such thing. For now, at least.
Could we fast forward to 2011? I'd turn 21, I'd be on my way to school, pursuing something I really want, something tangible, something worthy.
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| corners and shoulders |
[
Friday,11th December 2009 @ 0033hrs
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
There are all these "friends" I have on facebook I wish I didn't have... Not trying to judge here, but I honestly feel facebook breeds superficiality. What's up with all these people wanting to be seen and heard?
Lady GaGa's new songs have been taking me through the silent, lonely moments in camp. Some nights I crawl into bed, her songs playing in my ears from my ipod touch, and I wake up the next day with her songs on endless replay in my head as I go about the daily mundane chores of a green soldier..
This afternoon, I actually felt like I missed you, but now, thinking about it over and over again, I don't miss you any further. At all.
I feel like I have so much reflection to do.. about the year that's passed. Not looking forward to the coming year.. don't even want to mention what's to come. D mentioned to me before that he's blessed that this year went rather smoothly for him and he hopes next year would be the same, if not better. How I wish I could share the same sentiments right now. All I'm looking forward to now is christmas... we're going to plan a cosy one this year at home with friends, christmas hats, hot chocolate with marshmallows, christmas holiday movies, staying up till twelve to open presents.. can't wait really. But with the coming and passing of christmas, it only means that 2010 is here, and I'm dreading it so much. For one, the thought of spending my 20th in the dark looming forests of Brunei on a mission is unfavourable. And absolutely miserable. Wonder how 2010 would compare to my 2009. 2009, my 19th birthday, was destroyed completely. I remember going into the year with disputes with a few people I held dear to my heart. I struggled for the most part of the beginning of 2009, and then in April came the great enlistment date, and I remember struggling a lot to cope with the sudden change in environment and people, and it was then that I really knew what it was like to have noone to cling onto..
Oh god, my 2009 sounds so sad now that I've mentioned it, even in bits and pieces. I can't fathom what 2010 will bring, but with my finger's crossed, I pray it'd go by smoothly, and surely.
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